My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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