Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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