I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
