For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
