You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
