i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
