I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
