you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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