i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
