lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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