Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
