Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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