Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
