I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
