This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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