Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
