I love black thongs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
