is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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