at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
