Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
