Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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