couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
