I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
