some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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