They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
