They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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