You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
