I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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