I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
