no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
