I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
