"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
