I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
