Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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