mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
