Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
