Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
