I'm so fucking centered right now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
