Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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