Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
