walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
