Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
