my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
