This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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