In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
