A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the high leading the old right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
