Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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