"it" just moved
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
