just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
