why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
