just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
