just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
