Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
