How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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