***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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